Thursday, 20 June 2013
Monday, 17 June 2013
Family Drama
The mother of my little man due in September is the same that was carrying my second baby and she lost the baby by a "motor vehicle accident". It was barely two months long when I decided to tell my parents. My dad was quiet. My mom did all the talking. She accepted it. She was willing to be with me in every step of the way.
Here comes the part of the story which I've been avoiding. My parents don't know yet. Wait, wait, wait... before you make assumptions and draw your own conclusions, I wanted to tell them. I was going to tell them actually. The mother of my little man and my mother have had a relationship. A close relationship, so to say. My mother never said this, but I think she would say the mother of my little man is her favorite. It's understandable. She's the only girl my mom ever knew in my life. She would choose her. So, because they had this relationship, I thought it would be a great idea if she told my mother instead. I wasn't going to go to her again with a confession where in the end there were complications.
I've convinced myself that if I have to loose one more baby then I was cursed. I've always wanted kids. Even if they were made in conflict with how I wanted them to grow up (perfect house, wife and family), I still had to accept them either way!
Well, she never told my mother because she had a discussion with her parents where the parents decided that the right thing to do was for me to go to them and then go to MY parents with me and then break the news to them there. The only problem is that I couldn't get to them during the first six months of the pregnancy and I refused to tell my parents over the telephone. So, now it's been 24 weeks and now parents know nothing. I am 5 to 6 days away from telling them in person. I just hope they understand why I kept it from them.
My grandmother is a young and very physically able woman. You will never guess her age right. I look at other people's grandmothers and I am like, why mine? Why couldn't mine be older and be on the farm and not make my life such a living hell over things that happen to me. I understand the whole notion of she took care of me at home as a baby when my mom was working in her early 20s, but both my parents are still alive and I think if I cant make decisions for myself or if I make ones that aint cool, my parents must be the ones to step in. I love that young old woman, but there was a point in my life when I wanted her out of my life. I needed her to back away from having power over my parents. She literally went to the parents and grandmother of my little man's mother when she was pregnant with the baby that she lost and she just lost it completely. She accused them of how they planned the pregnancy. She said it was only getting in the way of my studies (as I was still in my second year of tertiary education) and get this... that lady told them I was losing my mind and have attempted to commit suicide because of the pregnancy. I was devastated. I got this scoop from my little man's mother and till this very day I am still waiting for my mother or grandmother to tell me about it and they've been silent. I will get to the bottom of it later this week.
Now you've probably realized why I put motor vehicle accident in quotation marks. There might be a possibility that my grandmother drove that young mother to have an abortion. I believe so because, I wasn't present before or after the accident period and my little man's mother also claimed to not have had any injuries whatsoever. She didn't even get treated for shock for a vehicle that turned several times before it took ground on its four wheels. I hate to think that my speculations are true. I don't know how I'll ever respond to my grandmother. Could the young mother also have lied about what my grandmother said? \_O_/ I DUNNO!
Recently my little man's mother was honest with me and told me about the feelings she has towards my grandmother. I could tell she was scared, restless and was worried about how my grandmother was going to react to the second news.
You know I'm really confused about this. Why did my in-laws say I should go to them first? I mean they know that I was not going to be around until the middle of the year. Did they wait to make sure that their girl was pregnant so that my grandmother could do nothing about it. It looks like a game of vengeance, I really don't know!
Here comes the part of the story which I've been avoiding. My parents don't know yet. Wait, wait, wait... before you make assumptions and draw your own conclusions, I wanted to tell them. I was going to tell them actually. The mother of my little man and my mother have had a relationship. A close relationship, so to say. My mother never said this, but I think she would say the mother of my little man is her favorite. It's understandable. She's the only girl my mom ever knew in my life. She would choose her. So, because they had this relationship, I thought it would be a great idea if she told my mother instead. I wasn't going to go to her again with a confession where in the end there were complications.
I've convinced myself that if I have to loose one more baby then I was cursed. I've always wanted kids. Even if they were made in conflict with how I wanted them to grow up (perfect house, wife and family), I still had to accept them either way!
Well, she never told my mother because she had a discussion with her parents where the parents decided that the right thing to do was for me to go to them and then go to MY parents with me and then break the news to them there. The only problem is that I couldn't get to them during the first six months of the pregnancy and I refused to tell my parents over the telephone. So, now it's been 24 weeks and now parents know nothing. I am 5 to 6 days away from telling them in person. I just hope they understand why I kept it from them.
My grandmother is a young and very physically able woman. You will never guess her age right. I look at other people's grandmothers and I am like, why mine? Why couldn't mine be older and be on the farm and not make my life such a living hell over things that happen to me. I understand the whole notion of she took care of me at home as a baby when my mom was working in her early 20s, but both my parents are still alive and I think if I cant make decisions for myself or if I make ones that aint cool, my parents must be the ones to step in. I love that young old woman, but there was a point in my life when I wanted her out of my life. I needed her to back away from having power over my parents. She literally went to the parents and grandmother of my little man's mother when she was pregnant with the baby that she lost and she just lost it completely. She accused them of how they planned the pregnancy. She said it was only getting in the way of my studies (as I was still in my second year of tertiary education) and get this... that lady told them I was losing my mind and have attempted to commit suicide because of the pregnancy. I was devastated. I got this scoop from my little man's mother and till this very day I am still waiting for my mother or grandmother to tell me about it and they've been silent. I will get to the bottom of it later this week.
Now you've probably realized why I put motor vehicle accident in quotation marks. There might be a possibility that my grandmother drove that young mother to have an abortion. I believe so because, I wasn't present before or after the accident period and my little man's mother also claimed to not have had any injuries whatsoever. She didn't even get treated for shock for a vehicle that turned several times before it took ground on its four wheels. I hate to think that my speculations are true. I don't know how I'll ever respond to my grandmother. Could the young mother also have lied about what my grandmother said? \_O_/ I DUNNO!
Recently my little man's mother was honest with me and told me about the feelings she has towards my grandmother. I could tell she was scared, restless and was worried about how my grandmother was going to react to the second news.
You know I'm really confused about this. Why did my in-laws say I should go to them first? I mean they know that I was not going to be around until the middle of the year. Did they wait to make sure that their girl was pregnant so that my grandmother could do nothing about it. It looks like a game of vengeance, I really don't know!
Fathers' Day
I didn't know it was Fathers' Day until I got a text message around 4a.m 2 nights ago. It was the mother of my little man.
The emotions that went through my mind when she said that I was a great guy and that I was going to be a wonderful father to our son are indescribable. I was just there... You know, still in awe of the whole situation.
There's a reason for everything. There's a reason why I kept this to myself. I didn't feel the need to tell anyone. I don't owe it to anyone. I received more text messages from people who somehow knew. I also gave a hint to some on the social networks who figured out what I meant with "Thank You" for all the text messages.
Hmmmmm, this isn't the first time I have to break the news to my family. I was going to be a father of three. Yes, call me young, careless and irresponsible. I regret nothing. Not that my sons and daughter were planned or anything. I just believe that life is a gift and when it presents itself to you, you should take it without any hesitation. Giving life is life's greatest gift. It should be the only gift in your life that you should never reject.
With my first time, well, this girl claimed to be pregnant and then she disappeared into thin air. I don't know her family. I don't know where she lives, how to contact her and ask if it was really true and if there might be a younger version of her or me running around. She should just know that I might not be very receptive when she comes back 10-20 years later claiming to have had a son by me. She had better do it now.
The emotions that went through my mind when she said that I was a great guy and that I was going to be a wonderful father to our son are indescribable. I was just there... You know, still in awe of the whole situation.
There's a reason for everything. There's a reason why I kept this to myself. I didn't feel the need to tell anyone. I don't owe it to anyone. I received more text messages from people who somehow knew. I also gave a hint to some on the social networks who figured out what I meant with "Thank You" for all the text messages.
Hmmmmm, this isn't the first time I have to break the news to my family. I was going to be a father of three. Yes, call me young, careless and irresponsible. I regret nothing. Not that my sons and daughter were planned or anything. I just believe that life is a gift and when it presents itself to you, you should take it without any hesitation. Giving life is life's greatest gift. It should be the only gift in your life that you should never reject.
With my first time, well, this girl claimed to be pregnant and then she disappeared into thin air. I don't know her family. I don't know where she lives, how to contact her and ask if it was really true and if there might be a younger version of her or me running around. She should just know that I might not be very receptive when she comes back 10-20 years later claiming to have had a son by me. She had better do it now.
Sunday, 16 June 2013
That Little Man made me feel like the world had stopped moving.
I let That Little Man in after a couple of weeks.
I was wondering whether I was going to feel That Little Man's presence.
Was That Little Man going to know me?
Was That Little Man going to be happy?
I met That Little Man in 2009. I was 17.
That Little Man is an actor,
A dancer,
A singer,
A sprinter,
A lawyer and a very remarkable young man.
That Little Man was like his father.
That Little Man only came to life in January this year.
That Little Man made me fall in love with him at first sight.
In April, I started loving That Little Man immensely.
That Little Man is a sign of joy,
happiness,
love,
unity and mollification.
That Little Man is Jordin.
That Little Man is my son.
I let That Little Man in after a couple of weeks.
I was wondering whether I was going to feel That Little Man's presence.
Was That Little Man going to know me?
Was That Little Man going to be happy?
I met That Little Man in 2009. I was 17.
That Little Man is an actor,
A dancer,
A singer,
A sprinter,
A lawyer and a very remarkable young man.
That Little Man was like his father.
That Little Man only came to life in January this year.
That Little Man made me fall in love with him at first sight.
In April, I started loving That Little Man immensely.
That Little Man is a sign of joy,
happiness,
love,
unity and mollification.
That Little Man is Jordin.
That Little Man is my son.
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